Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
