They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
