Duck Duck Cougar?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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