it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
