discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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