The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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