It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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