Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
