I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
There's even glitter on my cock...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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