last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
