It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
