my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
