I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Randomize
