my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
