I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
