I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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