it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
