My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
