I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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