I feel great
I just peed on a car
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize