thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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