you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
