Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
