i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
