you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
