It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
COCAINE IS GR8
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
