wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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