we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
