I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize