dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
