just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
