i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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