tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
