this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
