we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
