before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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