i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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