***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
