My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
