I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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