if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize