He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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