I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
