She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
