Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
