Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
