the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
