Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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