i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
