I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
