How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
