I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
