She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
