It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The best revenge is premature balding
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
