I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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