it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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