i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
