You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
