you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
