what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
