my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
