So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize