he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
