Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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