I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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