woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
