I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize