Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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