I think I won the penis lottery.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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