Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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