I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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