just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
