Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
