I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
